New Year, New Memories
by grapes-day
Summary: Riley finds it difficult to be on the rooftop during New Years'. Lucas understands why. (Rucas and Riley-centric)


**Summary:** Riley finds it difficult to be on the rooftop during New Years'. Lucas understands why. (Rucas and Riley-centric)  
 **Note:** Hey, everyone! This was actually already posted on my Tumblr account but a reader requested I put it on this site so here you are! This was posted during the new year and I hope you enjoy this! :)

* * *

"What are you doing here?" his voice startles her out of her thoughts. Riley just shrugs as Lucas takes a seat beside her on Auggie's bed.

"Needed some space before the countdown," she tells him quietly, wringing her hands.

"And so you seek refuge in your little brother's room?" he raises his eyes at her.

"I thought you guys would look in my room, see that I wasn't there and assume that I was already on the roof," she admits.

"That's actually quite smart," he grins at her boyishly as he nudges her shoulder. "And it would have worked if Auggie hadn't ratted you out."

"He was supposed to tell you that I'm already on the roof."

"Well, he told everyone else, if that makes you feel better."

It does not. The reason she had asked Auggie to cover for her is because she needs to be alone.

Riley stays silent as she looks ahead, not wanting to see the concern on Lucas' face. She has been smiling the whole day as she put up the decorations for the New Years' Eve party at her apartment. She has been smiling as her family and friends play games while waiting for the countdown. She has been smiling whenever she feels the need to placate the people who could always see right through her and convince them that she is alright.

The truth is that she needs to be alone before she plasters another smile on her face in front of her family, friends and guests again. She needs the silence to calm her racing heart as the memories of last New Years' Eve keep replaying in her mind. She just needs to be able to push down the bile that rises in her throat at the memory of how she had felt on the roof after the countdown last year – sick, humiliated and sad.

"Riley?" she feels his fingers lace through hers and she gulps before she looks at him. Sincerity is etched onto his handsome face, and he squeezes her hand before he requests, "Please talk to me."

"I don't want to go up to the roof," she admits as tears cloud her eyes. She hates herself for the way her voice shakes and tries to pull her hands away from his.

He holds on tighter, gentle but still firm.

"Why not?"

She wants to tell him so badly but the words just cannot come out. It feels as though there is a blockage in her throat, stopping her from letting all her frustrations out at him.

She does not want to hurt him. She did so a year ago but she will not do it now.

Riley shakes her head, plastering on a fake smile as she stands up. Lucas looks confused as he stands up too. She pecks him on his cheek, loving the red tinges that spread because of her.

"I'm fine," she says instead and leads him out of Auggie's room. She is surprised to find that no one else is in her apartment any longer and she makes her way to the door when he stops her.

"I'm not going up there until you tell me what's going on with you," he insists and her heart sinks at his words. He lets go of her hand, crossing his arms over his chest as he waits.

"Lucas, the countdown starts in half an hour and it – "

"Is not more important than you. Tell me what's making you fake smile at everyone, please," he steps in front of her, eyes pleading as he puts his hands on her shoulders.

"I really don't want to – "

"Riley, please – "

"Maya will probably be down soon to get me and –"

"Dammit, Riley, we're not going up to that stupid roof until you tell me why you don't want to be up there in the first place!"

"Because every time I'm up there, I see you and Maya looking at me as though I've hurt you!" she screams at him, gasping when she realizes what she has just revealed.

She claps her hands to her mouth as tears stream down her cheeks freely now. Lucas is gaping at her, his own eyes wide as he takes in her words.

Her voice cracks as she continues, "I don't want to go up there because I hear Farkle telling everyone that I was still in love with you when my best friend deserved to be with the boy that she wanted to be with. I went up to the roof yesterday to put up the decorations and I felt like I couldn't breathe, Lucas."

It is as though that blockage from earlier has cleared and she now cannot stop herself from telling him everything that she is feeling. She has been keeping everything she has felt to herself for too long and now, she cannot stop the words from spilling out of her mouth.

"I don't want to go up there because I don't want to be reminded of how alone and hurt I was in that exact spot at the exact same time last year, okay?" she rubs her arms, wanting nothing more than for the ground to swallow her up.

Silence reigns between them, tension in the air as Lucas regards her. She squirms as she sniffs, tensing when he takes her hand again. Gently, like he always does, he leads her to the couch and makes her sit down.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asks as he kneels in front of her.

"Because it's so stupid," she tiredly rubs her eyes. "I was fine on the roof during Shawn's wedding. I don't know why it happened yesterday. I'm not about to ruin New Years' for everyone."

"And you think we'll have a good one with you in Auggie's room while everyone is up on the roof?"

She sighs, "I didn't want to be too much for everyone on New Years."

He winces at her words, guilt immediately making its' way onto his face as he looks away for a moment. Riley curses herself for saying what she did.

She knows that he still feels guilty for the way he made her feel during their first day of high school. She knows this because she still feels the same way for implying that she did not believe in him on that same day. They have apologized to each other for their words that day, but sometimes, the words still echo through them.

"Lucas, I didn't mean – "

"I'm going to need you to listen to me and believe every word I'm saying, okay?" his voice is soft as he looks at her in the eye. He takes her hand and places it on his chest, right where his heart is. "Because I mean every single thing that I am going to tell you."

"Okay," she breathes.

"You are not too much for any of us, Riley. I know that we joke about it some times but if it is making you feel like this – like you have to keep the way you feel from us – then we're gonna have to stop joking about it," he promises and she opens her mouth to interrupt but he shakes his head, silently pleading her to let him finish. "Because you are the reason that we're so open with one another in our group. It's because you make us feel safe with each other. We know that no matter what, we have each others' backs and that's because you always make sure that we know that we can depend on each other."

"The balloons that we let go, the Secret Santa presents – these are all things that happen because of your thoughtfulness," he smiles at her fondly as he wipes the tears from her cheeks. "Whether it's too much or not, it's what makes you Riley and we love you so much for it."

She tilts her head as he caresses her face, and she feels a small smile start to spread. For the first time since Christmas, she feels the weight on her chest lift a little.

"No more hiding things from us, okay?" he pleads and she finds herself nodding. "We could all see that something was bothering you. The only reason Maya isn't bursting in here right now is because she thinks that you and I need to talk. And she's right."

"She always knows what's best for me," she states as a wistful smile spreads across her lips.

"I didn't want to be on the roof too, you know?" he admits and her eyes widen at him.

"You didn't?"

"Yeah, I think last New Years really did a number on us," he chuckles humorlessly and she slouches into the couch. He continues, "But then your father said something about traditions and resolutions in class and it got me thinking."

He stands up and holds out his hands, beaming when she stands up and puts her hands in his.

"Maybe we can make our own tradition this year to make new memories of this day. Maybe we can do something so that we can let go of the pain from last year and start this year and the years after this differently," he suggests and her heart soars.

"Like what?" she practically bounces, excited.

"Like how we played the couples game on the same team just now," Lucas points outs. "It reminded me of how much has changed in one year. And that this year is so much better than the last. New memories for the new year."

He is right. She had enjoyed herself briefly during the couples game, having forgotten about being on the roof as she witnessed Smackle and Farkle kick all their asses in the game. She had laughed genuinely when Lucas pouted at the questions he got wrong, and had wiggled her eyes at Josh when Maya got questions about her uncle right. She had also thrown a pillow at Zay when he made a smartass comment that she cannot even remember now.

Riley lets out a deep breath before kisses her boyfriend on the cheek again. She walks to the door, slipping on her coat as Lucas wordlessly does the same.

"New memories for the new year," she nods agreeably, feeling so much better when he takes her hand again.

He does not let go when she closes her apartment door behind her. He does not let go when her grasp tightens as they walk up the stairs to the rooftop. He does not let go when her breath hitches as the cold air attacks her face and she feels her heart race again.

"There you are!" Maya grins at her, cheeks flushed. Her best friend looks relieved as she hugs her and Riley lets go of Lucas to wrap her arms around Maya. She leans into Maya's shoulders.

"Sorry we're late," Riley whispers.

"Better late than never, right?" Maya chuckles as she pulls away. "You good?"

Riley looks at Maya, surprised when she realizes that Maya is positively glowing. The year has been good to her best friend and Riley is so proud of the growth that Maya has shown. Maya hopes and believes now (even if she denies that she does). She is glad that Maya's identity crisis is over, and that their friendship has emerged stronger than before.

Would this growth have been possible if Maya had not gone through the heartache that she did? No, it would not have been.

"I'm good," Riley reaffirms and Maya nods at Lucas approvingly. Her best friend kisses her on her cheek before she saunters off to where Zay, Farkle and Isadora are sitting on the other side.

On the bench, her parents are snuggled together as Auggie sits between them. Her Uncle Shawn and Katy are perched on Cory's side of the bench while Farkle's parents stand in front of them. Josh had left earlier to be with his college friends and though she wishes he could be with them, she is happy that her uncle is doing much better in college socially.

"Alright, everyone, we have one more minute till midnight!" her father announces and Riley takes Lucas' hand. Together, they walk to where their friends are and Riley smiles appreciatively at each of them.

She can feel the tension leaving her as they gather in a straight line. Riley has her arm around Lucas on one side and Maya on her other side as they all lean into each other, holding on to each other tightly. The group is silent as they wait for the countdown, but fondness and affection are lighted on all their faces.

"Twenty seconds!"

Would they be as strong as they are now if their friendships had not been tested the way it has this past year? Would she realize how important these people are to her if they had not survived the threat of their group being split? Would they all be the same people she can so proudly call her friends if the triangle, high school drama and all their other issues had not happened?

"Ten! Nine!"

No, they would not be.

"Eight!"

Through the heartbreak, they had come out stronger.

"Seven! Six!"

 _She_ has come out stronger.

Riley turns to her right to look at her boyfriend, her dimples accentuating her happiness as he looks at her too. Love and pride shines through his gorgeous eyes and Riley is sure that she is looking at him the same way.

The realization hits her. Hard.

" Five! Four! Three!"

She loves him. She is in love with Lucas Friar.

"Two! One! Happy New Year!" they all scream and cheer as they congratulate each other.

They form a group circle for a group hug, and when they finally let go, Riley hugs Maya when her best friend squeezes her tight. She kisses Maya on the cheek before she turns to Lucas again. He has just let go of when she grabs his face in her hands. She enjoys the way his eyes widen, before she brushes her lips against his.

She can vaguely hear her father screaming in the background while her friends whistle, but she does not care. Riley grins at her boyfriend's awestruck look, finding him even more adorable.

"I love you, Lucas," she tells him and he laughs as he picks her up and swings her around.

Her heart races for a different reason all together this time. Instead of the crippling fear that had consumed her the previous day, she feels as though her heart is going to burst because of how happy she feels.

When he puts her down, he leans his forehead against hers and says the words that make her knees go weak.

"I love you too, Riley."

New year. New memories.

* * *

 **A/N: Review if you want to let me know what you think! Have a wonderful week ahead :)**


End file.
